04 October, 2006

And a Merry-happy Hallowthankchristoweenmasgiving to you!

yes folks, it's october. for sensible folks (such as ye, thee and me) it means the leaves are starting to turn, the playoffs are under way (lacking the bosox, a fact that really requires an entire post to vent about), apple picking, cider, hayrides, bountiful harvest veggies, autumn and octoberfest brews and breaking out the flannel shirts (well, not today, cause it's like 80° or so, but i digress).

for retailers and retail marketing, however, it's time for their favorite orgy of consumerism. yes, we've passed through back-to-school season, and also through oh shit! i forgot stuff for school season. we've had a week's breather or so. but no more. once more, we plunge into the absurdity of Hallowthankchristoweenmasgiving!

sure, some might call it "the holiday season". but frankly, that's a dull term. nor does it capture the spirit of the true horror lurking in malls and shopping centers across the states. whereas hallowthankchristoweenmasgiving encapsulates precisely what this time of year has devolved into.

many moons ago, there were two major american holidays towards the end of the year. christmas, in late december, and thanksgiving, in late november. thanksgiving was easy enough to prepare for: turkey, lots of potatoes, cranberry sauce and plenty of alcohol. sure, there were other side dishes, but no one cared much for them. all that was required to properly celebrate was eating too much, drinking too much and then falling asleep whilst watching football.

christmas required getting presents and possibly going to church, on top of the overeating and overdrinking. but you didn't have to start shopping till about the 15th of december.

many moons ago, halloween was for kids and drunk students (with eggs and tp). you'd get some candy the day before to hand out. that's all. a blip.

but now, well, things are different. halloween has become a Holiday. granted, i can't say i totally disapprove, as it is deliciously pagan. however, one is expected to decorate houses (inside and out) with offical halloween crap. costume stores spring up everwhere. if you don't buy candy three weeks out, you're shit out of luck. it has become A Big Deal.

thanksgiving has morphed too. people are paying attention to the sides. instead of using the good china, you have the specific (oft turkey shaped) thanksgiving china.

ah, and christmas has just grown, since it's hostile takeover of hannukah. christmas shopping these days, should be finished sometime early november. and it's one after the other. the trappings at the altars of commerce don't just follow each other, they have begun to overlap. i'd not be surprised to see santa dressed as a ghost, being given turkey as a treat.

yes, we can no longer seperate them. it's hallowthankchristoweenmasgiving. and it's only going to get worse.


Anonymous said...

Do you know what all of these holidays have in common? That's right: eating and drinking to excess, hanging with family and friends, and the possibility of football on tv.

I am so down with that.

Plus, it's a nice counterpoint to the endless summertime festivities of Fourthamemoriaborday. Why they neglected the solstice is beyond me, but goat leggings are itchy that time of year anyway.

It's only a matter of time before Presentine's Day (or Presentine King Jr. Day up here in the northeast) rises to similar prominence. I hear that the Hallmark company is sinking a lot of money into making that a reality.


twiffer said...

hallmark is evil. i'm convinced of this.

and whomever manufactures all those holiday specific decorations.

but the eating and drinking, yeah, that's good. as well as fireworks. nothing goes with eating and drinking better than blowing shit up.

Claude Scales said...

Hey, at least the Yanks are out of the playoffs, too, now!

twiffer said...

i'm thankful for that. gonna root for the tigers, cause i'm not overfond of the As. but, naturally, my World Series loyalties lie with the AL

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