11 September, 2006

in memorium

edit: tinkering in an attempt to get rid of the sing-songy end lines...


i have listened to them.
all those who claim
a hold over our sacred
pain. those who see
a single path, unwinding,
heading only the direction
they chose. unyielding,
unbroken. the way.
for all our feet to tread.

i have listened, they
have not heard.

the story is not told
with a single voice.
the way is unmarked
by a single sign.
but all own their share
both greater and small.
for ever does tragedy
belong to us all.


Keifus said...

I'm having a tough time with the "belongs to one and all" rhyme at the end. Sounds like something out of a children's poem. Was OK with it up till there.

I liked your previous poem, liked the 'not Jesus, he's sitting over there' bit.


twiffer said...

see, this is why i usually don't rhyme.

was also thinking "tragedy belongs to us all". but, it still feels a bit cheesy and sing-songy no matter.

ah well.

the previous one, yeah, the jesus part is much better than what surrounds it. good thing these are all working drafts. [grin]

maximo said...


sorry. can't help you.

twiffer said...

well, you got the edited version too. which is slightly better.

might just axe the end rhyme altogether.

maximo said...

oh geez. you moved.

twiffer said...


actually, commented on the post here that mentions it.

Claude Scales said...

I like the poem very much, and like the rhyme at the end.

maximo said...

and i was possibly going to be in ct in a few weeks.

well, best to you in the new digs with the i-know-who. (?)