29 November, 2006

post turkey-day thoughts

leftovers are dangerous. this, i learned in rather embarassing fashion last night. perse had very kindly made me a turkey & cheddar sandwich, which i unfortunately faild to finish. why, you may ask? turkey is delicious, even as leftovers from the great feast day. some might argue that thanksgiving leftovers is the real joy of the holiday. usually, i would chime in with agreement.

not today though. all because i scraped my lip on the toast enveloping said delectable turkey (and cheddar!). yes, you heard me. i injured myself with toast.

what this means in respect to my manhood, or even in regard to my status as a compentent member of the human race is, at this time, unclear. it could be argued that, well, lips are sensitive and (mine, at least) prone to chapping. if a bit of wind can injure your lips, well why not hardened bread as well? people cut themselves on paper all the time and no one (well, mostly no one) thinks less of them.

still, i cannot shake this feeling of deep, dark, horrific shame. i mean, it's toast! how could i hurt myself with toast? what sort of graceless creature could do such a thing? yet i find the answer is: me.

oh yeah, christmas carols are everywhere now. was going to write more on this, but i've got to go cut some eyeholes in a paper bag...


august said...

I've done much the same thing. It has led me to shun any sandwich on a baguette. Also because I'm never sure of the spelling of baguette.

You have some fine work below -- uncommented but not unnoticed

Keifus said...

Dude. Even the toothless can eat toast if they're patient enough. You get the bag, I'll get the needle and start embroidering a scarlet W for your chest. The shame, indeed.


(Don't tell anyone but, um, toast gouges up the roof of my mouth all the time. And I love the stuff, even with no turkey inside. Just between you and me though, OK?)

twiffer said...

mmm...baguettes...and cheese...and wine...

i've often wondered why toast is so tasty. but it is. well, bread itself is (discounting stuff like wonder bread, since that is not actually bread. we aren't sure what it is). but it's good to know i'm not alone. wait, i knew that already. amazing, really, when you think about how resilient and fragile the human body can be.

august: thanks.

Claude Scales said...

Your post about toast brings to my mind Bob and Ray, who used to do a routine about "The International House of Toast, featuring 78 different varieties of toast from around the world." (OK, I'm not sure if it was 78, but that sounds about right.)

Bob & Ray are part of my self-absorbed universe because I once had a blind date with Bob's daughter's roommate.